Kate's journey
by beginnerwriter16
Summary: Kate wakes up from the shooting a changed person. This Kate is scared and dependant and about to face one of the hardest journeys of her life. The journey of over coming OCD.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer : Castle is not mine.**

Kate Beckett faced a lot of things in her life. She lost her mother at the young age of 19, her whole life was thrown off course changing from law school to the police academy, her whole life changed when she finally became a homicide detective, her life changed when annoying play boy Richard Castle decided to follow her and base his next books off of her. However her life changed the most when she was shot, in the chest and was left fighting for her life. Fighting for her life that has constantly been changed through out the time since she was 19 till now. She was 31, unmarried, no children and has still not achieved her life goal, catching her mothers murderer. As she lay on the operation table lost in some sort of unconsciousness. She could see everything so clearly it was like she was in a museum of her life. She could see the times she would make cookies with her mum and also the times she would argue with her mum shouting horribly mean things at her, things she could never take back, things she would later regret saying to her mum. She could see the time when her dad and her first talked about boys when she was just 16 and still so shy, when the thought of her dad knowing that she had had her first kiss was absolutely mortifying. And then she saw the time she realized she had lost her dad to the bottle and how she felt so alone and so helpless. She saw the time she read her first Richard Castle book, it was a rose forever after. She remembered how safe she felt, how she felt almost free, his words giving his characters something she could never have, closure. And then she just saw Castle and all the things he has done for her, how many times he has made her feel free and not just his books, how he makes her laugh and cry. There was a lot of Richard Castle in this place that must be her life. Her worst and best memories. Kate just stood there and wondered if this is all she wants all of these memories. She knew she wanted more even though she never told anyone she always wanted to get married and have children but now she knew she may never get that because now she was dying, She had flat lined. Her heart had stopped beating. Her blood had stopped flowing. She was dead. But she didn't want to be and this is when the begging came in, the bargaining. Begging to a God she does believe in, another fact that nobody knew about her. She promised everything she could think of. She would start going to church again, she wouldn't have sex again until she was married, she was try harder with Castle even give him a hug everyday, she would eat healthier, she would clean her apartment and make sure it would always be spotless, she would never drink coffee again. She would do anything to stay on Earth because she wasn't ready yet. She wasn't ready to die.

She heard the steady heartbeat of her heart monitor, she heard the doctors sigh in relief and then she knew that she was going to be okay. She was going to live the life she wanted. She was going to be Kate.

Kate remained in her unconscious state until she woke up 3 days later with her dad by her side and Castle on the other. They had both claimed one of her hands. She knew Josh wouldn't be there. Josh was never there. Josh was in Haiti she just knew it. Her eyes slowly flickered her eyes open and she had never seen 2 men more happy and grateful in her entire life and she knew she was surrounded by good people, extraordinary people. They both stood up and leaned over her watching as her green eyes flickered on them. A tear rolled down Castle's cheek. Her dad look like he was going to collapse any moment out of pure joy. She wanted to speak but there was something lodged into her throat she couldn't breath. Why couldn't she breath. She tried to raise her hand but that cause so much pain, she would have scream but there was so much pain. Too much pin. She heard Caste and her dad trying to stop her but she couldn't breath why couldn't they understand that. She heard their voices raising trying to calm her, her heart monitor speeding up getting louder, doctors speeding into the room trying to stop her too but everything was getting so fuzzy. The doctor's were holding her still, she could see Castle's blue eyes, they were so blue. And then she felt it, the thing that was lodged in her throat was being taken out and she had never felt so much relief because now she could breath and she felt her tears on her cheeks. She was so scared.

She blinked just for a second and then Castle was gone, her dad was gone and the heart monitor sped up again as well as her breathing, she started to shake but it hurt to shake but that didn't stop the shaking. The doctors looked so confused, they couldn't see anything physically wrong with her until she heard a female voice that sound like she was stood at the back of the room.

"She's having a panic attack."

She heard everything slow down. Saw the doctors just stop for a second before there were four people dressed in scrubs stood around her telling her she was okay that everything was going to be okay. But that wasn't what was wrong what was wrong was that Castle wasn't there, her dad wasn't there and she needed them. Her eyes were flying around the room, well as much as they could because she was lying flat on her back. But the next thing she heard was Castle pushing his way past the doctors, never being able to stay away from her and taking her hand and squeezing it lightly. And the heart monitor slowed down its rapid beating. But she still needed her Dad. She managed to whisper, the work coming about broken and croaky "Daddy." And he was there instantly taking her other hand and the heart monitor slowed down almost back to normal and she could feel everyone staring at her but she was so tired and she felt her eyes closing without her permission.

The next time she woke up Castle and her dad was still clutching her hands but there was sunlight coming through the windows and she squeezed both hands slightly, too weak after being shot and going through serious surgery to squeeze their hands any tighter but they both felt it and they both looked up at her both blue eyes staring back at her and the corners of her mouth lifted up slightly. Her dad went to let go of her hand. Her eyes widened her grip tighter to the point of her being in pain. Jim quickly took her hand and a look of relief washed across her face and a look passed between Rick and Jim. This wasn't normal, not for Kate Beckett. Jim leaned over and pressed the call button and a minute later a doctor came into the room.

"Good morning Detective Beckett how are you this morning." He said cheerfully walking over to the monitors and writing things down on the chart. He was tall and pale and looked like he spent a majority of his time in the hospital but then she thought doesn't every doctor ? And then she thought of Josh he doesn't just spend his life in hospitals he spends half of his life abroad. And then she remembered he had asked her a question but it bothered her. Not the question the fact that he had called her Detective Beckett and not Kate. Detective Beckett was her job, was tough, was the one who got shot. She is Kate, the caring one who is also scared, she is also the one in the hospital bed at the moment.

"Its Kate." She whispered quietly, brokenly. And it must have been a shock to Castle and Jim because their eyes both snapped towards her shocked. She had never done that corrected herself from being Detective Beckett to Kate. Denied herself being a Detective almost. Separated herself from her career, a career she was very proud of.

"Yes of course Kate, it's good to see you awake how're you feeling ?" He asked cheerfully. his perfectly styled her almost bouncing with his enthusiasm.

"I'm good." She replied slightly louder gaining her voice.

"Can you rate your pain please ? 1 being the best it could possibly be 10 being the worst pain ever." He had his pen ready on his chart ready to write down whatever she says. She could see it in Castle's and Jim's eyes that they didn't expect her to answer the question knowing she is a proud person and often doesn't let people see her vulnerable. But she shocked them, she answered the question.

"A 7 but that is mostly just an ache but whenever I move it goes up to about 9."

"Okay that is to be expected. Any questions ?"

"Can I have some water please ?"

"Of course. Another doctor will come and see you in a few hours to do some tests."

Everyone in the room nodded and he walked out of the room a nurse coming in a few moments later with some water and a straw for her. The water felt amazing going down her throat.

She felt her dads hand touching her forehead and she looked up at him smiling, well smiling as much as she could. "I love you daddy."

"Love you to Katie."

She looked at Castle and then her dad again "I'm scared"

"I know Katie." His hand was stroking through her hair.

"Please don't leave me" She whispered.

"I won't. Never Katie."

She turned to look at Castle and looked him in the eyes and he could see the fear in her eyes, "You to Castle."

"I won't."

"Good" But her eyes were starting to close. darkness over taking her as she fell asleep again. Thinking of Castle. Thinking of a future with Castle.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer : Castle is not mine.**

It was becoming more obvious that this wasn't the same Kate that Castle knew. As she was taken for her tests Castle and Jim were told that they had to stay there, in her room, without Kate. Kate's reaction was the most screaming as as soon as she had to let go of their hands and she was being moved away she began to have a panic attack, all the monitors beating faster her breathing became faster she began to shake but was the most painful of them all to watch was the terrified look on her face and when she tried to scream but it came out breathless and croaky. The doctors were confused but just walked faster thinking they could fix it when they could see what was happening during the tests. But that proved useless when she couldn't even remain still and at this point she was in hysterics screaming "Daddy" and "Rick". She made it impossible for the doctors to do their jobs and so eventually they had to sedate her. Her eyes fluttering closed her lips still moving trying to still call for the most important men in her life. Kate's actions confused the doctors and they came up with everything they could, it wasn't amnesia because she remembered everything, this left the doctors confused. There appeared to be nothing physically wrong with Kate Beckett but the doctors still needed to get an MRI and as everyone prayed that she was okay, that there wasn't any long term damage, Kate Beckett was once again in the hallway where all her best and memories were and she smiled fondly at them, she smiled fondly at the memories with Castle.

The doctors told the two men how they had to sedate Kate, how she called for them, how she couldn't stop shaking and how there appeared to be nothing physically wrong with her and he was going to take her for an MRI in a few days.

Jim and Rick took their place's beside her again, each taking a hand and staring at her, knowing she wouldn't wake up for another few hours but not caring. This woman was one of the most precious people in each of their lives. They listened to the steady beating of the monitors, telling them that she was okay, the watched her chest move up and down as she breathed, proof she was still alive, and the observed the pale skin of her face, her chapped lips and the way her eyes flickered almost as if she is dreaming, and this reminded them that they almost didn't have her, didn't have her hand to hold, didn't have the monitors to reassure them that she was okay and they wouldn't of had her breathing to tell them that she is alive. Because she almost wasn't, she actually died, and that thought caused the constant worry that had been in their eyes since Kate was shocked, both men's hair was sticking up in all angles as they have ran their hands through it so many times out of frustration because they just wanted her to wake up, they both had stubble forming on their jaws where they both refuse to leave her side in case something happens. Both men slowly fell to the bed, their heads resting at her hips as they place their heads facing her because they don't want to miss anything. But days of exhaustion was still there and they eventually fell asleep listening to Kate's soft breaths and the constant monitors and is told them, everything was eventually be okay.

Kate began to wake up a few hours later as her eyes fluttered open and all she could look at was the blank ceiling. She squeezed both men's hands and they both looked up at her "Please can I sit up a little ?" She asked shyly.

"We'll ask the doctors Katie, how're you feeling ?" Jim said as he leaned over to look into his daughters eyes.

"The same" she said and then smiled to reassure him.

Kate's behaviour was both worrying and relieving for Jim. He was worried because Katie is never like this, she hides her anger and acts like she can face everything alone, she hides her pain always lying if something hurts and most of all she has never showed her fear and how much she needs them so openly, it's like she is a different person but still Kate. He was relieved because she wasn't hiding her pain and she was actually showing people that she needed them, she wasn't running cause she didn't want to people to see her vulnerable. Because this Katie is the little girl he remembers running around and when she scraped her knee she would come to him to make everything better. Jim pressed together and asked if she could be sat up a little and the nurses went to get the doctor.

"Hello Kate how're you feeling ?" He asked happily.

"About the same but I would really appreciate being able to sit up please." She said nicely and without any demand in her voice. Castle's eye brows raised slightly as he looked at Jim. This was the same women who demanded he stay in the car, demanded he always be there without actually saying it, and this is the woman who demanded his heart without even knowing it.

Over the next 20 minutes they worked on sitting Kate up a little bit so she could actually look around the room, could talk to people properly. Kate smiled when she was finally able to sit up, even though it hurt slightly she was happy that she could see Castle and her dad and not just their heads. The nurses and doctor left after making sure everything was okay. Leaving two men staring at Kate live she was precious, like they would never see her again.

"How're are you guys ?" She asked quietly resting her head again the propped up pillows.

"We're good Katie how're you ?" Jim asked.

"I'm good, glad you guys are here." She smiled sweetly at them. She turned to look at Castle and smiled at him, just taking in hiss features, his too blue eyes, the stubble of his jaw, the relieve sigh on his lips and the furrow of his eyebrows, both relieved and worried. 'This man', she thought, 'this man is worth so much to me and he doesn't even realize it.' She closed her eyes for a few moments but there were snippets coming back from the shooting, the clear sky, the green grass and the gun shot which made her flinch. She opened her eyes to see the worried expression on each of their faces "Don't worry, I'm just getting little snippets of the shooting." She heard a sharp gasp from Castle and turned to look at him, his eyes glassy.

"What do you remember ?" He asked almost painfully.

"The sky, the grass and the gun shot." She said and she saw Castle's shoulder deflate slightly and he looked away. "I think we should all go to the hamptons one day."

They both looked at her in surprise. "The hamptons ?" Castle asked.

"Yeah all of us, dad, you, Alexis, Martha, the guys and Lanie. Everyone. It would be so much fun, we can take walks on the beach, watch movies and even play games."

"You sure Katie ?" Jim asked looking from his daughter to Rick.

"Absouloutley." She smiled at the both of them.

"I'll see what I can do." Castle said as he dropped her hand and went to go call people but it was her voice that stopped him. She sounded so scared.

Kate Beckett was different that much was obvious but it had yet to become clear that she wasn't just different, something was wrong. She remembered her dreams in her unconscious state, especially during surgery. She remembered begging, bargaining for her life. And she remembered all the promises she had made and even though know one knew yet, she intended to keep those promises and more. Because in her mind those promises are what kept her alive so why wouldn't she keep them ?

"What day is it ?" She asked, looking between the two men.

"Saturday." Jim replied.

"Can we go to church tomorrow ?" She asked looking at her dad with so much hope in her eyes. He could see that she was hoping he would say yes but he didn't know if she would be allowed, if she was even able to leave her room. And then Jim was confused, they hadn't gone to church since she was 16 after deciding that she didn't want to go anymore, so why did she want to go ? And then he looked back to her again and he saw that same hopeful face that she had when she was six years old and asking for her first bike. He remembers it like it was yesterday, her long curly hair in pigtails and she was wearing a nice summer dress with flowers on, something else people didn't know about his Katie is that she loved to wear dresses especially when she was younger because they made her feel like a princess and she was to him, she would always be his princess, and he remembered as she stood looking up at him, her hands behind her back as she swayed side to side so her dress would sway to, and she asked him for a pink back with a basket so she could show her dolls around the garden and up and down the street and to the park when they went together for family picnics. He couldn't say no then and he most certainly can't say no now.

"I'll ask the doctor when he come in." He said thinking that the doctor wouldn't be back until tonight when she was fast asleep so if she couldn't go he hopefully would never have to see the disappointment in her eyes. But just at that moment the doctor walked in and he saw her face light up.

"Go on Dad you said you'd ask." Kate said excitedly with a beaming smile on her face and Jim breathed out heavily and smiled back at her before turning back to the doctor ith an almost pleading look in his eyes because he couldn't stand to see his daughter hurt, but he couldn't bare seeing his daughter both hurt and disappointed.

"Doctor Katie would like to know if she can go to church tomorrow ?" He said. The doctor looked like he was deep in thought.

"I don't this that will be possible Kate." And everyone in the room could see her smile fade as the heart monitors started to speed up along with her breathing. The doctor's eyebrows furrowed as he moved over to her looking at the monitors then looking back at her. "Miss Beckett I need you to take a few deep breaths please." He said worry evident in his voice and he took his stethoscope and but it on her back and then her chest.

"Please, please can I go." She said desperately but it came out breathy as she couldn't breath properly, her breathing becoming faster and faster.

"Miss Beckett I don't think that will be possible you can't even walk yet or raise your arms without being in pain." The heart monitors got louder and faster, Kate lost the little colour she had regained.

"Can't...the pastor...come here ?" She asked her sentence broken, her vision blurry, she was fading.

There was a moment of silence, well as silent as it could be with all the monitors going off, nurses running into the room, going to the end of the bed with the same look of confusion. Kate was looking into the doctors eyes and he could see the desperation in them and he nodded and just like that the monitors slowed down, Kate stopped shaking and her breathing slowed down and she slowly relaxed. Cause she was going to church, or well church was coming to her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer : Castle is not mine.**

Richard Castle can honestly say he has never been to church, besides for weddings and cases he has never been. He was nervous, he didn't know what to expect, what to wear or what to say, because Rick Castle when not nervous didn't always say the right thing but when he is nervous he almost never says the right thing. And the only person who could answer the questions he had was currently fast asleep beside him clutching his hand like her life depended on it but by the way she was acting when she wasn't holding his and her father's hand her life did depend on it and he didn't know what happened to make Kate act like this. So he was sat beside her, his Iphone resting on the bed so he could type one handed, and he was typing his questions into Google which was not working because it wasn't the same stuation, he was going to a church service of 4 people in Kate's hospital room.

Jim Beckett had managed to step out for a few minutes to collect some clothes from his neighbour and friend of 64 years. Calvin had always been there for Jim, when Joanna had been murdered, when he had been drowning in the bottle and now when his only child was lying in a hospital with a bullet hole in her chest. Jim had also always been there for Calvin, when his daughter was hit by a car when she was just 16 years old and fell into a comma which she eventually woke up from 6 months later but she wasn't the same girl, she had to go through a lot of physical therapy but she had also developed OCD. When she had told her father why she did all the things she does she explained because she had made a promise to God to do these things if he would let her return home, and then just 12 hours later she was waking up to her father praying at her bedside. Jim had never thought about it until that very second, his Katie had gone through a lot and woke up a different person and needing him and Rick there for her and if they aren't she has a panic attack and it was becoming clearer what was happening but he would mention it to Rick later so they could keep an eye on her and if their theory was correct they would tell the doctor. Jim mentioned the service to Calvin who asked if he could come and with agreement from Jim they made plans for him to come by tomorrow morning at 10am.

Jim walked back into the room just in time for Katie to start waking up and flexing her hand and he could see the second she realized her dad wasn't there. He watched as her head turned to see his side of the bed where his chair was and he wasn't there. He could see her start to panic and he cleared his through "Hi Katie." He could see the tears in her eyes and she reached her hand out for him but he didn't take it, instead choosing to sit on her bed next to her hip so he could face her but he was also further enough away that he couldn't take her hand. He could see she was still panicking but not as much as she was and he said to her "Deep breath in, deep breath out." He done this until she started to copy him. "That's good Katie I'm right here, there is no need to panic. I'm not going to leave. Never." She nodded but she felt Castle's grip loosen and she held his hand with as much strength as she could muster.

She looked Castle in the eyes and said "I can't handle both of you gone. I know you're here but I just can't explain it okay? Please I just need this, Rick." And with that he held her hand with a new strength and kept eye contact as she calmed herself down without her dad holding her hand. She stared at Castle's blue eyes that shined with his determination. And he stared at her forest green eyes that showed her care for the both of them. Castle held her hand just a little stronger, because they were in this together just like they always face everything together.

Kate was lost in her thought because she knew what was happening but she didn't understand. She needed Castle just like she needed air and she didn't know how to handle that. She has always been independent and now everything was changing because now she couldn't handle him not being close enough to touch. She knew she could talk to him and he wouldn't judge her. She already had a very strong suspicion that her dad already knew what was going on, she knew what was going on but she didn't know how to handle that, what would the doctors say ? what would her work say? What would Lanie say? Because Lanie and the guys were her family next to Castle and her dad. And then she thought, Castle isn't family like Lanie and Esposito and Ryan, she feels differently about him, has for almost 2 years now. Yes she knows if she cared that much she wouldn't have dated Tom or Josh, but she didn't date them because she loved them, and yes she realizes how awful that sounds but she is trying something new, being open and sharing her feeling and when she is asked a question she will tell the truth. Because everyone deserves that from her.

She looked up realizing she has been quiet for too long, lost in her thoughts for too long, and everyone was staring at her. Her dad looking at her in that way only a father could, and Castle, she couldn't describe how Castle was looking at her but one work did come to mind and that was intense, the look he was giving her was intense. She felt herself blush and quickly looked away as Castle done the same. Jim just smirking at the both of them.

Jim thought about their relationship and how much it was like his and Joanna's. How they had taken years to get together because it was 'complicated' but in reality it never was, how as soon as they made that first move into a relationship he would never regret it because it was so much better to always be with her than to only be with her for only a few hours a day. How is was amazing to learn new things about her, to learn a whole new Joanna but still know the Joanna he first met. They had so many first together and he was thinking about how his Katie still had so many firsts to experience with Rick. He hoped she got to experience them soon, they had been in this ridiculous dance for so many years, he remembered when he noticed the difference in her, she started smiling more, laughing more, joking more and generally just being his Katie that he remembered before Joanna's death.

Castle was thinking about a future with Kate, specifically

the day he would be able to call her his wife. He imagined her walking down the isle in her white dress and veil. Their closest family and friends, a flower arch where he stood waiting, his breath stolen by the sight of her. Her brown wavy hair over her shoulders, knowing she left it down because he loved it that way. He eyes shy until she saw him and then he was able to see the love in his eyes. The slight breeze made her veil flow in the wind and he was breathless, constantly breathless when it comes to her. He was brought out of his day dream by a knock at the door and a nurse walking in. He couldn't help but be annoyed because this was his favourite day dream of her and him.

"Miss Beckett were gonna try and get you to sit up some more today. How are you feeling?" She asked kindly.

Beckett smiled and looked directly in his eyes "I feel good today"

And if Castle knew that Beckett imagined their wedding day to, everything would be so much more uncomplicated.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer : Castle is not mine.**

Over the next few days Kate's strange behavior continued and as she got stronger the odd behavior grew in intensity. The doctor's soon realized this behavior and deciding it best among all of them that Kate see a therapist by the name of Doctor Burke. At first Kate seemed reluctant and adamantly declared that there was nothing wrong with her until her dad sat on her bedside one morning with a worn look on his face as he explained her behavior to her and how she demanded she go to church when she hasn't been for almost 25 years, how whenever either he or Castle left the room she would have a panic attack. He continues to explain how her behavior was worrying the doctors and that they were planning on running some more extensive tests. By the end of her dad's heart felt speech she had a tear rolling down her cheek as she sniffled to try and hold back the emotions. She leaned forward as much she could with her chest still being extremely sore and rested her forehead on her dad's shoulder, the closest to a hug she could give and it's when she muttered the three words that would forever haunt Jim Beckett she said.

"I'm sorry Dad" she whispered in a hoarse and broken voice. Jim tightened his arms around his vulnerable daughter and held her close as she continued to cry and he himself let the tears roll down his cheek. "I think it would be good if I would see doctor Burke maybe he will know what's happening." She said. Once she said this Jim quickly rushed off to the doctors leaving Kate alone. It didn't take long before the panic was setting in, she leaned slightly forward, her breathing coming in harsh and ragged breaths as she splayed her palm across her chest in hopes it would help her breath better. The monitors were speeding up and that's when Castle made his grand entrance as he quickly rushed towards her, sitting down just slightly behind her, slowly rubbing his hand up and down her back as he whispered words of reassurance. He felt her hand strongly grasp his and he looked down to see what she was doing but when he looked back up into her eyes he saw pure panic there. He held her gaze as he continued to whisper words of safety to her. He could slowly see her relaxing, her shoulders becoming less tense, her breathing coming back to normal and her posture became less vulnerable as she sat up as much she could with her injury.

"I;m going to talk to doctor Burke" she said quietly, almost as if she was scared to admit it. She was scared of what was going to happen, of what doctor Burke was going to tell her. It was terrifying, she was a woman who was so used to being in control and now she is finding herself in situations where she has next to no control. Control was always easy for her, it was one of the few constant things in her life and now she didn't even have that at a time she needed it most.

"That's good, it's improvement." Castle said reassuringly.

"Yeah, I guess it is. It;s just that I'm scared Castle"

"I know you are and that's completely normal."

"I know Castle." She said in her usual irritated tone and even gave him a small eye roll to accompany it and it left him smirking at her in amusement as he saw a flash of the old Beckett.

At this moment her and her doctor walked in with a few nurses.

"Okay Miss Beckett it's time to get you up and about. The sooner you can walk to that toilet and back" he briefly pointed in the ague direction of the toilet "the sooner you can go home. How does that sound?"

"It sounds amazing." She said with a smile.

Castle got up off of the bed as the nurses helped to slowly navigate her to the edge of the bed. As it was her first time on her feet in a couple of days the nurses took most of her weight to make it easier for her. Once she was shuffled to the edge of the bed the nurses helped her slowly lift her weight and within a minute she was on her feet. Her breathing had become slightly heavier due to all the activity but the nurses encouraged her to take some small shuffling steps and once she did she was quickly put back into bed as not to over do her muscles.

"How often can I get up?" She asked curiously.

The doctor gave her a stern look "not too much. However, if you are feeling good and capable and as long as there are people her I see no reason why you can't do it a bit more later." She gave him a bright smile "Now I have booked an appointment for doctor Burke to come and talk to you so he should be here by 5pm he said." After that he quickly left. Kate looked at the time and saw she still had another 2 hours before doctor Burke would get there and so she slowly laid back in bed closing her eyes, slowly drifting to sleep.

It was a couple of minutes past 5pm when she felt someone gently shaking her hand. Her eyes slowly fluttering open and she came face to face with Castle. She gave him a small smile.

"Hey Castle" she whispered, still sleepy.

"Hey Kate, doctor Burke is here to talk to you."

He saw her eyes widen slightly and then the panic slowly begin to cloud her eyes.

"I'll just leave you two alone" Castle said, slowly standing. He suddenly felt Kate grasp his hand and begged him not to go. He slowly sat back down.

Burke watched the interaction over by the door. He made his way over to Kate to introduce himself and shake her hand and take a seat on the other side of her.

"So, Kate how're you feeling" He questioned.

"I feel good it's just that since waking up a few things have been kind of...off" She hesitated to tell the stranger. He jotted a few notes down while asking another question.

"And what would you describe as being off"

"I can't be alone, I have to have either my dad or Rick near me, if either of them leave the room I have a panic attack" She stated quietly.

Castle could see how unsure of herself she was and how she almost felt embarrassed of her behavior.

"Anything else been off?" He asked looking up at her. Beckett shrugged.

"Actually, if I may say something" Castle said looking at Burke for permission, once he nodded Castle continued "Whenever Jim and I are in the room she has to have contact with either one of us" everyone in the room turned to look where Kate was holding Castle's hand. "When she woke up she also demanded she go to church which she hasn't done in almost 15 years." He said and he saw how she was registering everything he was saying and her shoulders sagged slightly. Burke continues to write things down.

Beckett tapped her finger on the bed, slowly, in time with her heart beat.

"And that, the thing your doing, the tapping you've been doing that to" He said.

She stopped once he mentioned it but she couldn't help it, she had this urge to tap her fingers, it was causing her chest to go tight with panic, the monitors gradually continued to speed up.

"Kate it is okay to tap your finger if it helps you feel better" Burke said reassuringly and not long after him say this she then began to tap her finger again, her monitors slowing down. Burke wrote a few more notes down before closing his notebook.

"Kate it seems to me that you are showing signs of OCD. Now this is completely normal after a traumatic experience, it's your minds way of reassuring yourself of safety after a trauma. Now I would recommend regular visits to either myself or another therapist as I think it would help you." He let his words sink in before he continued "However, if you don't seek help I could see this becoming an issue and affecting your social and professional life." He stood up and handed Beckett a card with his number on. "It was nice meeting with you miss Beckett and I hope to be talking with you again soon."

She stared blankly up at him and he left. Her and Castle sat in silence for a while before she finally spoke up "please don't tell the guys Castle, not even Lanie."

"I won't don't worry." He said bringing her hand to his mouth and placing a barely there kiss on it.

"Please don't leave Rick, I don't think I'll be able to do this without you." She whispered facing him as a tear fell down her cheek.

He leaned forward to wipe away her tear as he said quietly "I'll never leave you Kate, not ever. Now why don't you get some rest and I'll call your dad and give him an update." Once she nodded and closed her eyes he got his phone out, quickly call Jim. After doing so he text Alexis to say he was still at the hospital and not to wait up. He was tired, he hasn't been sleeping well and so for the firsts time since the shooting he truly felt like he could get some sleep and so he slowly leaned back in his chair, her hand still in his and within minutes they were both still asleep.

It was 8am when the nurse came in to check on Beckett's vitals and waking him by accident. He sat up slowly, he back cracking in the process as he stretched his arms above his head. He looked towards her, seeing her sleeping peacefully. Her nose twitched indicating that she was waking up, he couldn't help but smile and the cute tell of her waking up. Not too long after she slowly opened her eyes and smiled at him.

"Morning Rick" She said contently.

"Morning Kate."

"I was thinking-" She began but was quickly cut off by Castle.

"Alert the media" He said happily. She glared at him before continuing.

"As I was saying, I was thinking that maybe after breakfast I could do some more walking" She said smiling hopefully at him.

"I never could say no to you."

This caused her to break out into a massive smile. They simply stared at each other for a long moment, enjoying the bubble they were in.


End file.
